Workplace Romance: The Current State of Affairs

With Valentine’s Day coming up, you may be working up the nerve to ask out that new co-worker who caught your eye, but you might want to check with HR first before you suggest going out for a drink. Office romances are extremely common but navigating the rules around them have become increasingly complicated, especially in the aftermath of the #MeToo movement.

A survey by CareerBuilder found 41 percent of workers have dated a co-worker; the highest amount in a decade. Some of those relationships, 30 percent, lead to marriage. But the other 70 percent, well, that’s where it gets complicated.

Over 62 percent of HR execs have had to deal with the fallout of failed relationships at work, according to a survey of human resources execs by outplacement and Executive Coaching firm Challenger, Gray and Christmas. One in three office relationships ends in at least one person being fired. For those who stayed with the company, 17 percent got moved to a different department.

“Real-life office romances are nowhere near as straightforward as they are portrayed on TV,” Andrew Challenger, vice president of Challenger, Gray and Christmas, said in the report. “Unequal power, unclear boundaries, bad breakups, and office politics all have potentially career-ending and life-altering consequences for employees.”

Post #MeToo, it can be difficult or confusing to know what’s considered flirting and what really is harassment, so many companies have either written or updated their policies on office relationships.

“Companies cannot and should not ban office romances altogether. Many successful relationships have begun at the office. This tactic usually leads to distrust in HR and an unwillingness to open up about relationships that could be potentially harmful or unethical,” said Challenger.

Instead, to make sure the romance isn’t disruptive to the overall office and that its consensual, many companies are asking for a “relationship contract.” Basically, it’s their way of ensuring both parts of the couple understand the company’s policy on dating and sexual harassment and are aware of the ramifications if things turn sour.

Alex Robinson, HR Manager at Team Building Hero, which runs corporate team building activities, says their policy around office relationships is fairly open, but strict. “Relationships are celebrated, and we want our people to feel comfortable sharing this happy part of their lives with their colleagues and managers. However, we do ask that employees provide full disclosure early on, or at the first sparks of romance. Disclosure is in the form of a written note to a manager that says all parties consent to the relationship.” He says

“overall we trust our people and expect they will communicate with us appropriately. If employees do not follow the policy, then we may consider penalization up to and including termination from the team.”

“An absolute ‘no-dating’ policy is typically hard to enforce but there are policies that a company can take to prohibit sexual harassment and discrimination. Certainly, instances where one of the principals involved has a supervisory role over the other should be outright prohibited,” says David Reischer, an attorney, CEO & Hiring Partner at LegalAdvice.com.

That’s what tech companies like Google and Facebook are doing; establishing clear rules and policies as to what’s allowed. A recent Wall Street Journal article outlined some of these new policies.

Facebook has a rule that lets employees ask out a coworker just once. If they’re rejected, they can’t ask again. Ambiguous answers like “I’m busy” or “I can’t that night,” count as a “no,” Heidi Swartz, Facebook’s global head of employment law, told the Journal.

Google, with a workforce of over 94,000, discourages its employees from dating people they either directly manage or report to. If it does happen, Google says it would assign people to new roles. In 2013 Google updated its existing policies to require all employees at a VP or higher level to disclose any office relationships that may raise a conflict of interest.

Does your office have a policy on workplace relationships? If not, it might be time to put one in place, to protect the company as well as the employees.